Tuesday, September 11, 2007

*sometimes*

*
"I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I
...
cause
...
i feel so cheap"
*

*
Another day. Bright and beautiful outside. Cold and gray in here. i just feel sad. And well, i'm binging again, and putting on weight. i have no will power to work out or do anything, and the apartment has been chaotic for weeks now. i just can't get up... And everything is ok, apparently. There is no other reason to feel like this except for the fact that i am like this.
*
i'm slowly falling apart and i haven't got it in me to pick up the pieces one more time.
*
... and all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put miss sweetie back together again...
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so it's another blah! day.
*

*
blah!
*
The only time it feels ok is when i am in His arms. When He is away it all falls apart again. Like some cheap glue that won't last for more than a few hours.
*
maybe... a musical remedy? Coffee isn't working anymore, i swear.
...
let's go for ... happy thoughts:
- Blink 182
- Guttermouth
- MXPX
- NOFX
- New Found Glory
- Green Day
- Jimmy Eat World
*
pressplay [i feel so - box car racer]
*
maybe it's the incoming solstice.
*
(argh!) i don't wanna be here today. I don't want to do these things today. all i want for is to hide and run away.
...
i just want foolish laughter and a beer with childhood friends... i want group hugs and recklessly jumping from high places. i need poser photos and buying cute things. Let's escape and eat candy till we throw up?
...
(save me from myself, someone, please?)
*
i need to feel shiny, beautiful, glamorous and new.
*
i guess...
*
currently playing: down for the count - bowling for soup
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p.s.: am i still the girl all the bad guys want?
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p.p.s.: i really need a new tattoo...
*

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