*
Trick or treat!
Maybe its just that i love to dress up, but there is something about Halloween. i just love an excuse for dressing up.Even if in Brazil it is a party for grown-ups and "English as a Second Language" schools. Ok, i am a holiday freak. i love holidays... And is anyone else looking forward as i am to Zombie walk this Friday? Yeah, lets celebrate The Day of the Dead! (Not to mention we get to take poser photos in fake blood...)
*
What day is today? Oh, wednesday. i've been a busy baker this week... and also... It's hard to do much when one doesn't have one's wallet and purse around. i'll explain later.
.
But things are looking up, for now. Except that every muscle of my body aches. First, i overdid it at the gym yesterday in the morning. Second, it was my first time carving a pumpkin. i knew it was gonna be hard and messy, but not SO hard... Pause: more coffee, another strange cookie and a pain killer. i have two liters of ice tea in the fridge and a couple hours... So this will be a long post, fully illustrated.
.
Anyways...
TRICK OR TREAT?!!!
(Yes, this is MY pumpkin)
*
And the baking part of it went like this:
Cooking is always pure luck and empiricism when i am in the kitchen.
My cookies baking. i don't know what it is about my cookies, but they never turn out right. At least they taste very interesting. That is... the ones that didn't burn.
These muffins are the best. Next i'll try to make Chocolate Smore's muffins. i love to cook... i wish He liked to eat sweets as much as i do... Because i always end up having to eat the stuff i make alone.
And on Monday, when i got around to putting things in place and doing laundry, i baked a Mango cake.Quite nice, but next time i'll try blending the mango first so it incorporates into the dough.
Oh!
*
There is a yearning in me to become someone who is the best of all the me's i have ever been. And to have fun in the process... How i wish You'd tag along.
*
My male counterpart (a.k.a. my workmate/friend who shares the same birthday) told me he had always been the strangest person he knew. Now its me.
...
And everyday people come up to me and tell me how brave i am to being me. What is "me"? And how can anyone be anything that not themselves? "Brave"... i couldn't stand to be another... Even if i am not truly myself. Not yet.
.
i mean... Our feelings are our whole world. My feelings and Your feelings, and yours, and yours... They are the world. Nothing is truly important if it doesn't hurt or make us happy. That is the world.
.
Metapyhsical?
Who? Me.
Why? To be happy.
Where? Inside.
When? Time is a measurement, not an end.
How? Through pleasure.
There is a lot more. But that is what is true, NOW
*
And excuse me if i cannot remember Monday. There was work, and a lazy morning... And not much in between.
...
Yesterday... i mean, how many people do you know that can moisturize/cauterize their hair, carve a pumpkin, back-up music files, do their nails and discuss business at the same time? After having worked out for a couple hours. That was me.
...
They wanted me to come up with an entirely new number in one day... But the $$$ was not good enough for the hassle, so no deal. Which is good, otherwise i'd still be panicking.
...
But the body is sore from yesterdays work-out + jazz class.So i'll give the muscles a break for today.
...
Sunday was ok. i mean, i worried all day about my purse, but we went out with His friends and daughter for Japanese food.
.
And it all leads to the weekend.
.
(Thank goodness for friends)
*
*my alcoholic bedlam*
*
so... the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
.
so we do hope you have a safe trip.
*
!!!
*
This weekend i was a fucking drunken twat.
.
in other words, this Saturday i managed to "lose" my purse with my wallet, documents, mp3 player, notepads and cell phone in my friends car. And i have been without it ever since. And hell do i feel miserable because of that. Miserable and penniless, because my cards and money were in that purse too. Maybe tomorrow i'll have the time to pick it up.
.
long, long, drunken night. Which was predictable considering the day i had.
.
And i also learned something very useful: Whiskey and tight-lacing do not go along very well.
.
The whole fucking day was a disaster.
.
Rewind back to thursday night. Things are doing fine. i have dance class, and He picks me up. "i'm hungry." "Lets go to the bakery to eat something". We go. On the way in, i run into one of the people who applied for my current job and took the training along with me. He asks me about the school. i gave him a quick answer. And i did not introduce the Mr. because i couldn't remember his name.
.
So He pouts. Actually, He shut me off. And left me crying on the hall-way floor half the night.
.
He wouldn't talk to me on Friday. And i had to go to the Regional Encounter. So i went... And spent most of the day crying and text-messaging Him.
.
The Encounter ends. i had promised to dance at my friends birthday party, at a Biker Bar, so i go. i was hoping He would go after me. He didn't. So i got really, really drunk.
*
And forgot my purse in my friends car. Got late to work. And spent the entire weekend worried because my friend only found my purse on Sunday night.
*
Saturday was terrible. The hang-over. And work. i skipped dance class. And waited for Him to come home.
.
He finally did. To tell me it was over. And we had a long conversation...
.
So it's not over. Which makes me happy. After all, i had to beg for it.
.
No, begging does not make me happy.
*
Call me a fool, but as long as there is a tiny little bit of love and feeling still there, i cannot let it go to waste.
.
And there is still a lot of feeling here.
*
...
So i guess it's time to redefine priorities. Maturing and keeping myself in a submissive mind-set is awfully hard, but the least i can do is try. One more time, with feeling.
.
And try to trust Him. He will never be perfect. But neither am i.
.
The least i can do is my best.
*
October has been mostly awful. i'm glad its almost over.
...
i'm praying for a sweet November.
...
We must walk the golden path:
*
And i really, really, really want Friday to happen. Muffins, candy, make-up, girl-friends, good music, fake blood... Pretty pretty please?
*
Time for facing the world. In other words, i have to go to class.
.
i want a new project. Something that makes getting out of bed make sense. Something i enjoy, that lets me be myself and pays decently. But then again, that is what everyone wants.
*
Mood: Sore, full of expectations and coffee.
Now playing:
The Dresden Dolls
The Ripps
Lily Allen
The White Stripes
The Hives
A Dark Cabaret
*
Trick or treat!
Maybe its just that i love to dress up, but there is something about Halloween. i just love an excuse for dressing up.Even if in Brazil it is a party for grown-ups and "English as a Second Language" schools. Ok, i am a holiday freak. i love holidays... And is anyone else looking forward as i am to Zombie walk this Friday? Yeah, lets celebrate The Day of the Dead! (Not to mention we get to take poser photos in fake blood...)
*
What day is today? Oh, wednesday. i've been a busy baker this week... and also... It's hard to do much when one doesn't have one's wallet and purse around. i'll explain later.
.
But things are looking up, for now. Except that every muscle of my body aches. First, i overdid it at the gym yesterday in the morning. Second, it was my first time carving a pumpkin. i knew it was gonna be hard and messy, but not SO hard... Pause: more coffee, another strange cookie and a pain killer. i have two liters of ice tea in the fridge and a couple hours... So this will be a long post, fully illustrated.
.
Anyways...
TRICK OR TREAT?!!!
(Yes, this is MY pumpkin)
*
And the baking part of it went like this:
Cooking is always pure luck and empiricism when i am in the kitchen.
My cookies baking. i don't know what it is about my cookies, but they never turn out right. At least they taste very interesting. That is... the ones that didn't burn.
These muffins are the best. Next i'll try to make Chocolate Smore's muffins. i love to cook... i wish He liked to eat sweets as much as i do... Because i always end up having to eat the stuff i make alone.And on Monday, when i got around to putting things in place and doing laundry, i baked a Mango cake.Quite nice, but next time i'll try blending the mango first so it incorporates into the dough.
Oh!*
There is a yearning in me to become someone who is the best of all the me's i have ever been. And to have fun in the process... How i wish You'd tag along.
*
My male counterpart (a.k.a. my workmate/friend who shares the same birthday) told me he had always been the strangest person he knew. Now its me.
...
And everyday people come up to me and tell me how brave i am to being me. What is "me"? And how can anyone be anything that not themselves? "Brave"... i couldn't stand to be another... Even if i am not truly myself. Not yet.
.
i mean... Our feelings are our whole world. My feelings and Your feelings, and yours, and yours... They are the world. Nothing is truly important if it doesn't hurt or make us happy. That is the world.
.
Metapyhsical?
Who? Me.
Why? To be happy.
Where? Inside.
When? Time is a measurement, not an end.
How? Through pleasure.
There is a lot more. But that is what is true, NOW
*
And excuse me if i cannot remember Monday. There was work, and a lazy morning... And not much in between.
...
Yesterday... i mean, how many people do you know that can moisturize/cauterize their hair, carve a pumpkin, back-up music files, do their nails and discuss business at the same time? After having worked out for a couple hours. That was me.
...
They wanted me to come up with an entirely new number in one day... But the $$$ was not good enough for the hassle, so no deal. Which is good, otherwise i'd still be panicking.
...
But the body is sore from yesterdays work-out + jazz class.So i'll give the muscles a break for today.
...
Sunday was ok. i mean, i worried all day about my purse, but we went out with His friends and daughter for Japanese food.
.
And it all leads to the weekend.
.
(Thank goodness for friends)
*
*my alcoholic bedlam*
*
so... the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
.
so we do hope you have a safe trip.
*
!!!
*
This weekend i was a fucking drunken twat.
.
in other words, this Saturday i managed to "lose" my purse with my wallet, documents, mp3 player, notepads and cell phone in my friends car. And i have been without it ever since. And hell do i feel miserable because of that. Miserable and penniless, because my cards and money were in that purse too. Maybe tomorrow i'll have the time to pick it up.
.
long, long, drunken night. Which was predictable considering the day i had.
.
And i also learned something very useful: Whiskey and tight-lacing do not go along very well.
.
The whole fucking day was a disaster.
.
Rewind back to thursday night. Things are doing fine. i have dance class, and He picks me up. "i'm hungry." "Lets go to the bakery to eat something". We go. On the way in, i run into one of the people who applied for my current job and took the training along with me. He asks me about the school. i gave him a quick answer. And i did not introduce the Mr. because i couldn't remember his name.
.
So He pouts. Actually, He shut me off. And left me crying on the hall-way floor half the night.
.
He wouldn't talk to me on Friday. And i had to go to the Regional Encounter. So i went... And spent most of the day crying and text-messaging Him.
.
The Encounter ends. i had promised to dance at my friends birthday party, at a Biker Bar, so i go. i was hoping He would go after me. He didn't. So i got really, really drunk.
*
And forgot my purse in my friends car. Got late to work. And spent the entire weekend worried because my friend only found my purse on Sunday night.
*
Saturday was terrible. The hang-over. And work. i skipped dance class. And waited for Him to come home.
.
He finally did. To tell me it was over. And we had a long conversation...
.
So it's not over. Which makes me happy. After all, i had to beg for it.
.
No, begging does not make me happy.
*
Call me a fool, but as long as there is a tiny little bit of love and feeling still there, i cannot let it go to waste.
.
And there is still a lot of feeling here.
*
...
So i guess it's time to redefine priorities. Maturing and keeping myself in a submissive mind-set is awfully hard, but the least i can do is try. One more time, with feeling.
.
And try to trust Him. He will never be perfect. But neither am i.
.
The least i can do is my best.
*
October has been mostly awful. i'm glad its almost over.
...
i'm praying for a sweet November.
...
We must walk the golden path:
*And i really, really, really want Friday to happen. Muffins, candy, make-up, girl-friends, good music, fake blood... Pretty pretty please?
*
Time for facing the world. In other words, i have to go to class.
.
i want a new project. Something that makes getting out of bed make sense. Something i enjoy, that lets me be myself and pays decently. But then again, that is what everyone wants.
*
Mood: Sore, full of expectations and coffee.
Now playing:
The Dresden Dolls
The Ripps
Lily Allen
The White Stripes
The Hives
A Dark Cabaret
*
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