sweetie's sweet sweet wonderland: *Tomorrow is Christmas Day*

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Isn't that just swell?
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Random:
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So... its 5 am, and i finally get a little privacy. That's the thing about my parents house. i love them, but there is no such thing as giving someone their own space and time. You know... Jewish/Italian family. And what is there to be done? Nothing but going to bed really before 1o pm to get up at 3 for some private time.
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And i could finally see my SG set. I'm really happy with it, Pulse is an amazing photographer and i can't wait for it to go up. Its cute and pink and got a nostalgic feel to it. And that is all that's gonna be said about it until the D day comes, ok? And no peeking, whatsoever.
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A girl has to do what a girl has to do. And that is to send out holiday cheer and Christmas wishes to the world in the silence of the night.
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Its only been two days and i miss Him like hell. That sucks. This year was hard on me, emotionally. Our fights, His rampants of wanting to end things, having the contract ripped... i have become very very very insecure and vulnerable. Over the past few months i have bursted out into tears in the most awkward moments. i have lost a lot of the trust i had in people (which is so sad) and felt as if i could count on no one. i felt lonely and on my own. When i was hurting very bad i blocked a lot out, and now i have a hard time enjoying sex, again. i don't to be cold... it took me so long to feel anything and well, sex is a good thing. Maybe its because of Venus in Capricorn, maybe because some men hurt me so much and so deeply in the past anything feels like a big deal. What i do know is that now things are well. He has been the sweetest lately, and even spoke once more of the branding. So what i really want now is to feel safe again. Safe enough to let go and have a great time because that is what we both deserve. Damn, i love Him. Even my friends say that i seem a lot more in love with Him now than this time last year. So why can't i feel safe? i want that back, next year.

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And as soon as this post is up i'm off to exercise away those calories. Or maybe not. Sending out holiday greetings takes a long time.
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i hear a rooster somewhere near.
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"There's Christmas cheer, enough to last you three whole years
There's the mistletoe, if you were me I think you would know

There's something about the way you spend your Christmas
There's something about the way you care
There's something about the way you kiss

A little goes a long way
A little goes a long way
A little goes a long way
A little goes a long way on Christmas Day
A little goes a long way
A little goes a long way
A little goes a long way
A little goes a long way on Christmas Day"
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The past few days...
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Friday could have been organized. i spent so much time recording things and on the internet i had very little time to pack, so i left behind a few things i wanted to have brought. We had tacos and nachos for lunch at a really nice small place downtown, and spent as much time together as possible. At 9 pm, i was off.
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The bus seemed to take forever to arrive here. It was an almost 10 hour ride, because of the stops and because i forgot to check the intinerary and had picked the longest route. That won't happen again.
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By coincidence, my brother decided to travel on the same day as i. So i waited for him at the bus station for another hour so we could arrive together. Around 8:30, we were here.
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Saturday. Breakfast and unpacking. i think my mother must be part racoon because she has the habit of never getting rid of anything. So everything was quite messy... now i know where not only my (sometimes excessively bitter) sarcasm, but also my habit of procrastination come from. So i had to wait for her to finish cleaning my brothers room so that i could unpack. Yup, i tried to help, but meanwhile, me and my bro cooked lunch. i mean, he made the crepes while i seasoned the beef and made a large salad of lettuce and onion and another of tomatoes, palm heart and mozzarella cheese. The filling was ground beef stir-fried in olive oil with garlic and red peppers and then dressed with a little orange juice, butter and milk cream. Yum yum.

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(The day is dawning)

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Spent the rest of the afternoon doing this and that. Then an old friend called, and we went out. There are very few left here, real friends... We went to some old acquaintances house, and i had way too much bad beer while they played Scotland Yard. Maybe too many, but the night was unbearably hot due to the humidity. i hate the weather here. So many insects, so suffocating. After all, this city is a little below sea level. Argh! After that we left for a bar, and it was strange to walk around downtown here... Outside this house, its almost as if i had never lived here. Everything is strangely unfamiliar, as spending vacation in a place you visited decades ago. Now, more than ever, i do not belong here. Anyway, i had a decent blood mary and an awful margarita. We talked and talked and talked. And when they closed the bar, we went for a drive. One more beer and something to eat, and then i was finally back. i finished putting up the Xmas tree and then slept.

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Funny that i actually had to change before going out. i mean, the clothes i wanted to wear would have been too much. This is really a wicked little town. But my bro already gave me my xmas gift. Love my new purse! Fun!

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Woke up after midday. It was so familiar being slightly hungover and waking up late on Sunday. i have many memories of similar times. Maybe too many. Funny... this mirror is as old as i am. Luckily, time has been more gentle on me.

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After a big lunch, internet. Resting, and a long shower. We had that late celebration of my mothers birthday, so i helped bake some stuff. Around here my mom usually has me do the chopping, so i chopped away... My dad got me this amazing vintage cookbook. And then the relatives arrived. My brother got the guitar and played Happy Birthday and i sang while i hugged my mom. It was a warm, touching moment i will treasure for a long time.

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But then the family would just not go away. When the last ones finally left, i went to sleep.
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It's Christmas eve, isn't it? i always have the hardest time sleeping on this day.
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There is a beautiful day ahead of me, but i don't know what to make of it. i'll probablz go shopping for ingredients now. And maybe... i'll go ride a bike. i haven't done so in 13 years. And now is as good a time as ever.
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Merry Christmas and Fucking Awesome New Year. This has been some year, and i know the next will be even more incredible! And hey, dont you go around being a grinch tonight! At least enjoy the food. And let the good times roll!
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And as promised, here is a Xmas gift to anyone who takes his/her time to care about what goes on in my life.