Thursday, February 21, 2008

*nagging, bitching and ranting (smile and act nice? nah...)*

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all i wanted was to go to dance class... but then its raining so hard its half flooded outside. i tried going anyway. the drift almost knocked me on my ass. i could have drowned. And i got really wet and may get sick.
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there is an incredible recipe i want to try. With a beautifully poetic name. And another i feel the urge to invent. But i feel afraid of food. And fat. Where did these pimples come from anyways?
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tomorrow is my day off. There are things i would like to do but i feel anti-social and ugly. And things i should buy but i can feel my Scrooge nagging inside. Yeah, my super-ego is a freaking über bitter ultra gay scrooge like bitch. The only thing i know for sure is that no matter how much my limbs hurt, i WILL work out first thing in the morning. And i better get that corset on now.
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i spent the week doing house work. Now i feel frustrated and bitter, because it is never acknowledged and i don't feel as if my time was really used for something because there is nothing to show for it but a orderly house, a tidy pantry and an empty laundry basket. No new projects, no epiphanies, not even some special cooking because i never stop to eat when i am cleaning. Its not living, its existing.
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i got a call for a performance. The money isn't so good but it isn't so bad. It could even be something steady. But its not the type of thing i do so i had to say no. More frustration and bitterness.
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note to self: stop practicing ballet positions while brushing teeth and tap dancing while in the shower. Yesterday it was your toe, tomorrow it may be the hip bone.
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The high point of my week was taking milk to work today so i could drink coffee. And making Him a pair of briefs that didn't fit.
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i feel so annoyed and bitter right now i would die intoxicated if i bit my tongue. i need something real to look forward to. Something i can touch. Something rewarding.
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the lunar eclipse is over. May i have my life back please?
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(smile and act nice). Ahem. At least i get to attend a stage make-up workshop Sunday morning.
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i'll have a glass of wine and go hide in my sleep. i have read enough food blogs for a day. But let me refresh a bit more first.
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le sigh... i want this so bad it hurts. But no one seems to want to pay me (enough) to take my clothes off, so no new corsets for me. le sigh.

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yeah... where was i? oh yes, bed.
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